TIP #17: Quiet Those Inner Critics

Just think of all the great creative work that won’t be stifled if we can teach kids to quiet their inner critic.

What is an inner critic?

An “inner critic” is not the same as a “conscience”. While both express themselves as a “voice in your head”, each has a different agenda.

The conscience exists to provide a helpful check on our speech, behavior, and motives… our sense of right and wrong. Listening to that “still small voice” can save us from actions we might later regret.

But the inner critic is not nearly so well-intentioned. Where listening to our conscience will generally steer us in the right direction, that other voice, the inner critic, can leave us filled with regret for the things we didn’t do.

The inner critic plays a key role in the mind of a perfectionist. But it doesn’t limit itself to only those with impossibly high standards. Inner critics run rampant throughout our homes, schools, and workplaces.

Where does our inner critic come from?

Everyone has an inner critic to some degree – a critical inner voice that judges us and discredits our efforts. Our inner critic usually first appears when we’re young, as a way to protect us from failure or criticism from others.

As adults, it often operates as a coping strategy to help us avoid a recurrence of previous hurts. Sometimes it even mimics the voice of an unpleasable parent or teacher from our past.

What can we do about our inner critics?

Since our inner critic likes to grab its foothold when we’re young, what better time than childhood to start diminishing its power over us!

Kids as young as 5 will probably recognize their inner critic once you describe it to them. Then, explain that they’re not likely to rid themselves of it forever. Inner critics tend to pop up again and again throughout our lives. So, rather than trying to silence their inner critic completely, they can simply work to quiet it a bit, to “soften” it.

To quiet an inner critic, it can help to have a different, more encouraging voice to replace it with. One way to do this is with positive self-talk, or affirmations. One of my former students was the best example of this! You can read about how she successfully used affirmations to both encourage and comfort herself here.

Let your students know that even a “quiet” inner critic will make an appearance now and then. When it does, they can start by asking if there’s any truth to what they’re hearing. Is there something to be learned from it? If so, they can extract and apply whatever wisdom is in it. Then, just release that observation and let it go.

Encourage kids not to take their inner critic too seriously or too personally. Suggest that they acknowledge it and then detach from it by saying something like, “Oh, there goes that pesky inner critic again!”

Above all, kids can choose to not let their inner critic control them. Remind them that even what seems like failure is an opportunity to learn and every success they achieve is worth celebrating!

To learn more…

For more insight about inner critics and how to deal with them, check out one of my favorite books, “Your Inner Critic Is a Big Jerk – and Other Truths About Being Creative” by Danielle Krysa. (affiliate link)

an inspiring quote:

“The next time your inner critic has something to say, pay attention. If it’s a statement that you would never, ever think of saying to another human being, then jump in and defend yourself!”  ~ Danielle Krysa

In other words, if you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself! Let’s teach kids to be as encouraging and supportive of their own creativity as they would toward a friend they really care about. Words matter… even when you’re speaking them to yourself!