TIP #80: The Art Teacher’s Guide to Difficult Conversations with Parents
No matter what subject or grade level you’re teaching, good communication with parents is essential. While it may not always feel like it, you’re on the same team! Your common goal is success for their child (your student) and by working together you’re more likely to achieve that goal.
As an Art teacher, your difficult conversations with parents will usually be initiated by you. They’ll mostly revolve around classroom issues like attitude, behavior, and effort. But occasionally you may have parents call you with random complaints that you never saw coming.
A parent may disagree with a grade, object to a project, or believe you aren’t treating their child fairly. They may not like your choice of project for the Art Show, or be upset about something that happened (or didn’t happen) during Art class. Some complaints will be justified and others will feel straight out of left field!
But whether you’re discussing classroom behavior or simply sharing a change in your weekly volunteer schedule, good communication is key. By following the guidelines below, your conversations with parents (both in person and on the phone) can be comfortable and productive.
The Art Teacher’s Guide to Difficult Conversations with Parents
1. Document everything
First and foremost, keep ongoing notes of your interactions with students as well as your observations, both positive and negative. Stick to the facts and record specific details of date, time, place, what happened, who was involved, etc. Include exactly what was said, especially if it involves inappropriate language.
Make a habit of getting the facts before you react. Many situations with students end up being different than they first appear.
2. Communicate early and often
It’s a good idea to have some scheduled communications, like a monthly calendar and a weekly newsletter or classroom blog. This helps parents feel less “in the dark” and more connected with what’s happening in your classroom. Simple templates can be huge time-savers here… just adapt them to suit your needs.
Try to include your classroom rules, goals, and learning objectives. This gives you something concrete to refer back to when a student is struggling in one of these areas.
Start communicating with parents early on, before issues arise. This will help them get to know you and avoids the stigma of making contact only when there’s a problem. Your conversations will feel less awkward and parents won’t be immediately on the defensive if they’ve spoken to you before.
3. Share the good news
Reaching out with good news – examples of helpfulness, a positive attitude, or a cute story, etc. is always welcome. This helps build relationships with parents and can be a fun ice breaker, especially if you’re sharing it in person.
Try to have as many (or more!) parent interactions with good news as you do with difficult topics. Never let a language barrier get in the way…. find a bilingual colleague who is willing to help you.
4. Share the hard stuff
There will inevitably be challenges with students, no matter how fun your class is! That’s just part of the job when it comes to teaching kids. So don’t be afraid to make that hard phone call or ask for an in-person meeting when necessary.
You may be tempted to put it off, but you’ll feel better if you just take action and deal with it. The more you do this, the more confidence you’ll gain, and the sooner you’ll feel more comfortable with it.
5. The best time to call
Make every effort to stay current and not let frustrations build up with a student. If you wait, you’re likely to be met with, “Why didn’t you call sooner?”
The best time to call is during a prep period or right after dismissal, during your contract time. Avoid making calls in the evening or on weekends. This can send the message that you’re available 24/7, which you probably don’t want, and can be a hard policy to reverse.
6. What to say & how to say it
Always be friendly, positive, and encouraging.
Start with mentioning a positive trait about the student. Then describe the problem you’re having. Stick to the facts and avoid labeling. Explain what you’ve tried so far and ask parents how they handle this kind of thing at home. Ask, “Have you seen this behavior (or situation) before? What ideas do you have?”
Use “active listening”
If you’re meeting in person, active listening includes making eye contact, nodding, and leaning in. Summarize the parent’s concerns to show you’re really hearing them.
You could say something like, “It sounds like________”, and then paraphrase what they’ve told you. Ask, “Is there more about that?” or “Has your child mentioned anything related to this?” Make sure they’ve had the chance to fully explain whatever they need to.
Show empathy
Acknowledging a parent’s emotions will help deescalate any tension they may be feeling. Say things like, “I know it’s hard to hear a report like this,” or “I can see why you’d be concerned about that.”
Invite collaboration
Say something like, “Let’s work together to figure out a solution.” Ask the parent what strategies have worked for them at home. Offer choices like, ”Would you prefer we try _______ or _______?” to help the parent feel like they’re on your team.
Agree on what you’ll each do as a next step. Be sure to thank them for their help and plan a time to follow up.
Follow up
Involve your student the next day by asking, “Did your mom (or dad) tell you I called (or talked to them)? Do you have any questions about that?” Knowing that you really might talk to their parents (and it’s not just an empty threat) can be a huge motivator for kids.
Be sure to follow up with the parent at your prearranged time. If the situation has improved, you can both celebrate that. And if it hasn’t, you can brainstorm your options for “Plan B” together.
Parents can be powerful allies when it comes to solving your most challenging classroom issues. They can offer incentives at home and valuable insights to their child’s behavior that only a parent would know. A student’s willingness to change may improve when they see parent/teacher teamwork happening on their behalf.
Still dreading making that hard phone call? Try The 5 Second Rule…
It’s easy to get stuck ruminating on something you don’t want to do. But overthinking will only make the task take much longer than it needs to. And that’s assuming you get around to it at all!
Mel Robbins, author of the bestselling book, The 5 Second Rule, suggests counting down from 5 to propel you into action instead.
“The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you.” ~ Mel Robbins
If you commit to giving this strategy a try, you may find it to be a total gamechanger. It certainly has been for me! It works great for taking action when you’re procrastinating things you need to do, like making parent phone calls.
(You can also use it to break bad habits, like hitting the snooze button too many times ????.)
When it comes to making difficult phone calls to parents, the 5-Second Rule may provide just the jumpstart you need. Then reframe these phone calls to building a partnership with parents for supporting their child’s growth and development.
an inspiring quote:
“Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.” ~ Walter Anderson
Feeling anxious about making a difficult phone call is normal. It’s not something anyone wants to do. But procrastinating will only prolong your discomfort.
So once you’ve decided you must do it, and you’ve got your talking points ready, just count down 5-4-3-2-1 and make the call. You’ll be so glad you did, and it will get easier the more you do it. I promise!